One Apple A Day #734 – with or without answers

What started as a writing practice has evolved, over the year, into a moment of introspection.

Every morning I turn my gaze inside to see what’s going on.
Some times what I find is a reflection of what’s happening outside. Other times I discover some emerging ideas, those are exciting trips. There are mornings in which I lose myself in my own darkness, unable to spot anything useful.

And there are times in which I find nothing.

I’ve learned that the way of introspection it’s a slippery one.
The more I go down inside, the more it becomes hard to see, and in the darkness, it’s easy to stumble and fall on things I can’t see. So, I begin to make up stuff, only to come back into the light.

What starts as a quest for truth, can quickly become a feel-good exercise.

There lies my reason for writing.

This blank page is my rope back to reality. It reminds me that at some point, no matter what I find or don’t find, I need to resurface.

And go on with my day.
With or without answers.

One Apple A Day #733 – you are me

“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” – Matthew 25:40

I went to bed yesterday evening with this sentence in my head. 

A reminiscence from my childhood, maybe.

When I woke up, it was still there.

So, I checked it out, and it’s a small bit from a quite judgemental parable from Jesus. One in which he spoke about judgement day and the division between the righteous ones going to heaven and the not so righteous going to hell.

I’d like to stand clear of the judgement part, as I believe everyone carries both sides. At least, I do.

But that sentence wants to tell me something.

On the surface, I may read it as a piece of advice; be good and kind with others if you want to be welcome to heaven.

But to me, it says something more. It reminds me that the divine is within each one of us. That we are all made of the same substance. Even more, that we are one.

And that means that “every time I hurt someone, I am hurting myself. Every act of kindness I do, I’m doing it to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human is, was, and will be, experienced by me.

Just think about how the world would change if we all live with this awareness. If we all act from this place of oneness.

Me, I’m not there yet. Quite far to be honest. But I can feel the power and peace that comes from just reflecting on this.

It is a journey.

One that I’m willing to walk.

If you have some time, read this today.

One Apple A Day #732 – do something

It’s my father’s birthday.
He would be 72 this year.
He wasn’t a man of many words, but he sure was a man of actions.
Where something needed to be done, he would just step up and do it.
His wisdom was in his deeds.
To a shy kid as I was, it looked like he always knew what the right thing to do was. I now know that probably he didn’t, not always at least, but that never stopped him for doing his part.

I’m more comfortable with words. I always had.
Though, yesterday during a meditation, I had a flash.
I want to do something.
There is so much going on in the big world.
This pandemic and its many consequences, the fight for equality in the USA, the climate struggles.
But also here, close by.
People whose business have been disrupted, kids without schools, the rise of individualism.
I want to do something.
In my own way, as I’m not my father.
As he did, because I also am my father.

One Apple A Day #731 – who are you?

Such a simple yet not easy question.
I still don’t have “the” answer, maybe because there is no right way to answer.
Whatever I say in response to that question, says something about me. Even if I don’t answer at all.
In the mind of the person asking a process begins even before the question comes out. They are trying to match what they see and perceive with the models in their mind so they can fit me somewhere. Make sense of my presence in their world.
So, what and how I decide to answer is very important, and it’s not at the same time. There are many things I’m not choosing consciously that are coming through in any case.
But all of this does not solve my problem.
What is the best way to answer such a question?
Sometimes I say what I do, sometimes I describe myself through the connections that I have. I tried starting with why.
They are all incomplete.
There is always something missing.
And maybe I just have to accept that.
Every human being is a multi-layered infinite universe.
I’m still exploring that universe, learning new things about myself every day. And I’m pretty sure it’s a journey for which my whole life won’t be enough.
Whatever my answer, there will always be something missing.
Something I know but I don’t want to, or I’m not ready to share.
Something I know, but I don’t know how to share.
But mostly, something I don’t know at all.

One Apple A Day #730 – glued

When I was a kid, I loved to play with Lego.
I used to have this bucket with all the bricks in different shapes, sizes and colours. It was always an exciting moment when we emptied the bucket on the floor to build something new.
My other big passion at that time was watching giant robots tv shows from Japan.
It comes without saying that my favourite hobby was to build spaceships and robots with my Lego bricks.

Once – I think I was ten years old – I build a particularly good one. It was a big spaceship that could open and fit a smaller one. I was very proud of myself and my work. So proud that I took the glue and stuck all the pieces together. I wanted to preserve that piece of work forever. I put it on display in my room so I could watch it every day.

A few months later, my precious spaceship was already forgotten inside a box. Until one day, while I was building something else, I couldn’t find the pieces I needed. And then I remembered they were glued in my spaceship. I tried to dismount it with the only result to break most of the parts, making them useless.

I think there’s a life lesson about attachment there.
Personally, I never glued my lego bricks since.