One Apple A Day #631 – Abandon

To abandon means to give up completely something, to release any inhibition or restraint. 

There is magic in abandon. In surrendering and giving up control.

It’s liberating. It expands the boundaries of your awareness.

Unfortunately, I experienced that rarely in my life. And any time it wasn’t deliberate. It just happened.

You’re being massaged, and the masseur asks you to entirely abandon a part of your body in his hands. Like the neck or a leg, so he can apply a manoeuvre moving that part freely. 

That is something I’m not able to do. I can’t.

I can’t give up completely the control of my body. 

I can’t surrender fully to something or someone.

I don’t think it’s a matter of trust. And I don’t picture myself as someone wanting to control everything. Even if I may be blind to this.

It feels as if there is some kind of wiring in me that holds me back from surrendering, from giving up the control on what’s happening.

Yesterday evening a dear friend gave me a fascinating idea. 

I should exhaust myself out. Do something physical that burns all my energy, that wears me out and leave me empty.

Maybe at that point, where there won’t be any energy left to build resistance, I’ll be ready to surrender.

Time to plan something.

Can you surrender totally to something or someone?

One Apple A Day #580 – the paradox of freedom

This morning I picked a card with a yellow bird flying away from an open cage, towards its freedom. With the image, there are also a few coloured words saying “Engaging + Freeing all the energy!!!“.

Yesterday, a dear friend reminded me that sometimes, driven by the fear to lose our freedom, we build our very own cage around us.

It is a kind of paradox about freedom. And if you’ve read me before, you know my fascination with paradoxes.

The more you’re afraid to lose your freedom, the more you lose it.
You are so suspicious of any potential cage that you trap yourself within an invisible one.

I’ve seen this thing happening many times to friends, and I did it too. I carefully avoided commitments, I steered away from some choices only for fear of finding myself trapped into something from which there was no way out.
And in doing so, step by step, I was creating an invisible cage.
One from which there really no easy way out.

So, I think my personal learning here is that freedom must not be protected, it must be lived and engaged fully.