To abandon means to give up completely something, to release any inhibition or restraint.
There is magic in abandon. In surrendering and giving up control.
It’s liberating. It expands the boundaries of your awareness.
Unfortunately, I experienced that rarely in my life. And any time it wasn’t deliberate. It just happened.
You’re being massaged, and the masseur asks you to entirely abandon a part of your body in his hands. Like the neck or a leg, so he can apply a manoeuvre moving that part freely.
That is something I’m not able to do. I can’t.
I can’t give up completely the control of my body.
I can’t surrender fully to something or someone.
I don’t think it’s a matter of trust. And I don’t picture myself as someone wanting to control everything. Even if I may be blind to this.
It feels as if there is some kind of wiring in me that holds me back from surrendering, from giving up the control on what’s happening.
Yesterday evening a dear friend gave me a fascinating idea.
I should exhaust myself out. Do something physical that burns all my energy, that wears me out and leave me empty.
Maybe at that point, where there won’t be any energy left to build resistance, I’ll be ready to surrender.
Time to plan something.
Can you surrender totally to something or someone?