One Apple A Day #695 – being the next something

“I firmly believe you never should spend your time being the former anything.”

Condoleezza Rice

I read this quote yesterday evening, and I feel it’s the perfect follow-up for yesterday post.

When I introduce myself, I usually speak about what I’m doing or about the things I’ve done, my past works or achievements. I define myself by everything that took me where I am now. 

Like most of the people I know does. I can’t remember anyone introducing themselves as the next something.

And rarely in conversations among adults, we ask “who do you want to be?” 

That’s a question for children. As if, once we grow up, we should be already arrived or defined.

As I wrote yesterday, we define our present through the lenses of our past. Imagination is something for kids.

However, as the study of Professor Gary McPherson showed, our actions are an expression of how we see ourselves. If we see ourselves as former something, we will keep repeating what we have done. If we see ourselves as the next something, then we are setting ourselves on the path to get there.

That’s why I like to call myself an author even if I haven’t really published anything yet.

One Apple A Day #675 – glimpses of me

“First is an intention. Then a behaviour. Then a habit. Then a practice. Then a second nature. Then it is simply who you are.”

Brendon Burchard

After a few days without my morning apple, this morning, I woke up feeling incomplete. As if I left out a part of me for too long and now I can feel a hole. This small thing of mine is no more a practice or a habit. It is who I am. Or part of it at least.

These fifteen minutes are a way to remind me every morning who I am. Like looking at the mirror so I can recognise my face. 

This post wasn’t planned.

I felt my creative wellspring was drying out, so the plan was to take a few weeks off from this practice. To recharge the batteries and refill my ideas’ reservoir. You know, to write something more appealing or exciting to read. 

Then this morning, I sat here, and without even thinking, I found myself tapping on the keyboard. It just makes me feel more connected, more in tune with myself. Some go out for a walk, others meditate or pray. I do this. It’s less about the results and more about the practice itself.

Now I’m ready for the day.

One Apple A Day #762 – a seeker

Yesterday, someone taught me that to understand who I am and how I work, it’s not about thinking more. It is about feeling more, sensing more.

This quest, the one to understand who I am, is probably the most important one in my life. I’ve been struggling with it since forever. I lost count of how many times I wrote about identity and the search of who I am in my morning practice.

The challenge for me is to get out of my head. To experience who I am, even if my mind can connect all the pieces.

A flower doesn’t have a rational mind, yet it thrives.

And here I am.
Thinking and writing again.
Searching an answer that I know I’ll never find.

But maybe, this quest is who I am.

I am a seeker, not a finder.

It’s in this never-ending search that I feel alive.
Don’t look at me for answers, because I have none.
But if you need some challenging questions, I may be of help.

One Apple A Day #761 – Like the aubergine plant

I’m sitting outside this morning. While I write these words, the water keeps flowing from the fountain.

Water doesn’t care about my struggles, my worries, my thoughts. Or anyone else’s. She just does her thing; flowing.

The same for the plants in my garden; they are all being themselves.

And in doing so, they realise their natural potential.

The aubergine plant, for example. 

When we put the plants on the ground, we had high hope. I love aubergines. However, things didn’t work as expected. The plants struggled to grow, and after almost two months, I began to accept the idea that I wouldn’t have any aubergines in my garden.

Then, a few weeks ago, something happened. A small dark and shiny fruit (yep, aubergine, or eggplant, is a fruit) appeared. Yesterday we picked the first two beautiful and perfect two.

The plants just keep doing their things. They didn’t care about what was happening around, about my worries, or my lack of trust. 

They just kept being themselves until they realised their mission.

It is me, with my complicated mind, my free will, my relentless thinking that I have doubts. That I can’t figure out what my mission is.

In a meeting yesterday, someone told me “you just can’t stop being you“. And maybe that is the key.

Being me. Always.

Like the aubergine plant.

No matter what.

Until the fruits come for the world to see and enjoy.

One Apple A Day #756 – a troubling question

“Who am I?”

This is to me, one of the most if not the most troubling question.
First, because I don’t think it can be answered in words or any other formal ways. Maybe through art, but I’m not sure. I feel that any answers in any forms will always be a part, a glimpse of something elusive.

The second reason is that I’m relentlessly changing. Answers are like photographs, they capture a moment. Even when I feel I have an answer, the truth about who I am has already moved. Maybe just a tiny shift, but enough to make any response obsolete at the moment it appears.

The third and most troubling reason is that anytime that question emerges in my awareness, I know something is off. When what I do is aligned with who I am, my life is the living answer to that question. So magically that question disappears from my radar. When it appears, however, that means there are some misalignments. And that question is like a voice reminding me that something wants to change.