One Apple A Day #731 – who are you?

Such a simple yet not easy question.
I still don’t have “the” answer, maybe because there is no right way to answer.
Whatever I say in response to that question, says something about me. Even if I don’t answer at all.
In the mind of the person asking a process begins even before the question comes out. They are trying to match what they see and perceive with the models in their mind so they can fit me somewhere. Make sense of my presence in their world.
So, what and how I decide to answer is very important, and it’s not at the same time. There are many things I’m not choosing consciously that are coming through in any case.
But all of this does not solve my problem.
What is the best way to answer such a question?
Sometimes I say what I do, sometimes I describe myself through the connections that I have. I tried starting with why.
They are all incomplete.
There is always something missing.
And maybe I just have to accept that.
Every human being is a multi-layered infinite universe.
I’m still exploring that universe, learning new things about myself every day. And I’m pretty sure it’s a journey for which my whole life won’t be enough.
Whatever my answer, there will always be something missing.
Something I know but I don’t want to, or I’m not ready to share.
Something I know, but I don’t know how to share.
But mostly, something I don’t know at all.

One Apple A Day #724 – one and many

For a long time in my life, I thought about a person through an atomistic paradigm. One in which something can be understood in isolation, regardless of the context. I felt that I should have been able to identify who I was, no matter the circumstances. That I should have been the same in every situation. 

But I wasn’t. My behaviours were different depending on where I was and who I was with.

I remember asking myself “who’s the real me?”

Because I was unable to find an answer, I was confused and insecure.

The fact is that I was always the real me, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my behaviours were so inconsistent.

It took me years to realise that something can only be understood within a particular context. 

In his book Principles of Topological Psychology, published in 1936, psychologist Kurt Lewin defined a simple yet powerful equation. 

Behaviour is a function of the Person in their Environment, or B = f (P,E).

My behaviours are informed by both my identity and the environment in which I am. Which one has more influence in a specific situation? It depends on how much I’m centred in my own identity.

One Apple A Day #653 – being me

“When I shifted my attention from the change I wanted back to my identity, the change I was seeking just happened.”

This is a powerful insight that a dear friend gave me yesterday. 

In the past, when I wanted to change something in my life, I put all my energy and focus on the change I wanted to make.

Too many times, however, I’ve lost myself in the changes I was seeking. I was so focused on changing something in my world that I forgot who I was in that world. When that happened, I find my self lost and disconnected within the same changes I was longing for.

It is only when I shift my focus inward, that I can root my life in who I am and navigate through changes without losing my centre. 

While changes can depend on many factors. I’m the only one in the whole universe, who can be me.

“Know who you are because no one is better at being you than you are.” — David Droga